Exercise is something I really don’t feel like writing about, much less doing right now. So, that probably means it needs a reset in a major way. I always feel better when I exercise, even though I hate doing it. Yes, I know I’m complicated! Did you know physical activity is one of the top treatments for ADHD symptoms? Since 4 out of the 5 people in my household struggle with symptoms from time to time, it would be pretty foolish to ignore the value of exercise in our life. That’s one of the many reasons we incorporate sports into our kids’ lives regularly. Furthermore, healthy movement just makes everything work better. You sleep better. Your brain works better. Your mood is better. Circulation improves. Strengthens bones and muscles. It’s just really important to a healthy mind and body.

I know all this and I suspect you do too, but it is so incredibly easy to neglect exercise when we get busy or tired or stressed or…just about any reason. This summer I focused on coping better with stress. One of the big things I did was to incorporate yoga as a main source of exercise. Mr. Butler did it with me, which made it even better. I do much better with an accountability partner. Since the fall semester started back up, it has been hard to sync up our schedules and I’ve just been busy. Not an excuse, but it is real life. So, we’ll walk a few miles when we are both home in the day, but I have not been diligent with myself in any way. All hopes for a healthy exercise routine isn’t lost just because the vitamin D potential starts to decrease. I know it can feel that way, but that just means my body needs the immune boost even more this time of year.

Maybe you have a gym membership and don’t use it like me because of logistics. We have a Y membership, but I never want to bother getting the kids out. Since they are all old enough and trustworthy to put in the child watch/older kid hangout, maybe I should pick one day a week to at least switch it up? I know that I’m going to try to utilize my bicycle and stationary bike more, get back to yoga regularly and walk with Randy as much as I can. I’ve just not had any reason to follow through. I know that sounds silly, but my ADHD friends will understand. Since I’m writing about it and telling the universe to look at what I’m doing so to speak, well I’ll carry around some guilt if I don’t follow through! And I certainly don’t need anymore of that.

Getting exercise in every day is one of those all or nothing temptations for me. If I intended to do a particular activity at a particular time and then something messed that up? Well, just forget it. The day is lost. That’s the wrong approach of course, but it is sooo tempting to my brain that craves order and over reacts in the most rigid of ways. For this exercise reset, I’m striving to include movement - even if it isn’t what I intended when I woke up that day - every day. Tomorrow I’m going to use my watch that’s been dead for a month and haven’t bothered to find the charger until tonight. I’m hoping I’ll have an easy 10,000 steps without too much work, but I haven’t been tracking for a while so I’m not sure. Either way, having a minimum goal and then trying to improve upon that will hopefully jumpstart my motivation.

More than anything, a reset is intended to help us focus on what’s important and valuable rather than what is convenient and thoughtless. Finishing a meal and then sitting for another hour until bedtime is thoughtless and convenient, but it isn’t necessarily important or valuable. Playing soccer as a family for 20 minutes or walking to the pond or doing some yoga not only feeds the health of your physical body, but it can connect you to those around you, get you outside in many cases and bring joy into you’re life too! Do you have a good workout routine? Are you recommitting to one this week? It would encourage me to hear about it so let me know how it’s going!

The curse of being young is that you don’t know what you don’t know. There’s no way you could. The curse of age is that you now know what you didn’t know but have no way of going back. Maybe there is something about maturity that teaches you when it’s time to let go of those regrets you can do nothing about. Today as I type, the changes are circling my life. Some things are speeding up, like the growth and activity of my children, and other things are winding down, like my use of a stroller or teaching the ABCs. My oldest is going to be 12 in a month and my baby isn’t a baby at all at 5 years old, learning to read. My marriage is 16 years old and still we’re learning how to show up and be better together than we have in the past. I’ve spent several years reviewing homeschool curriculum but that is changing in the near future. We have been active in our co-op for a few years but this year it has increased drastically. All three kids are in our local homeschool choir and 2 of them get the chance to be part of a state honor choir this year. Mr. Butler and I had the unique chance to sing in choir together in college and it is one of our favorite memories together. Our kids getting the chance to experience a taste of that and loving it makes me a bit weepy, I’ll admit. Learning about ADHD a few years ago and now having the ability to recognize what system is failing and why in order to remedy meltdowns and outbursts is a little surreal. So much is changing while there’s so much I wish I could go back and do differently.

There was a time when I longed to be married, to have children, to be an accepted adult. Oh, how I wish I could talk to that girl and reassure her of a few things and teach her many more. There are relationships that I had that I wish I would have nurtured differently. There are opportunities that I wish I hadn’t been so afraid of. There are choices that I wish I had responded differently to. That regret has eaten me up at times, especially when I worry that my choice might have neglected someone. I have worried about or felt responsible for many a foolish choice by people I love. They were never my responsibility, but my heart has resisted accepting that. So, as the leaves are changing and the weather is cooling off, my spidey sense knows things are changing elsewhere too. One of those big changes is a choice I’ve delayed in making for far too long. Those regrets, those missed chances or balls dropped, I am going to let them go. The foolishness of youth can’t be deleted in the scheduled future. There are only the wise priorities of maturity and age that matter today. When my daughter was 2, I fought with her a lot on taking naps. She would throw fits and I would get so worn out and stressed. I should have just laid down with her to help her sleep. I regret all the stress that I experienced and caused because I didn’t understand what was going on with either one of us. I feel responsible for that stage in her life that could have gone better. It is tempting to lean in to the misery of regret. I should have done so much better, but I can’t do ANYTHING about it now. But I can take joy in how often that same girl wants to sit next to me or hold my hand as we walk. I can be forever grateful that I now understand how important it is for her to stay home sometimes or not go too long without eating. She and I don’t do big roller coasters. She takes comfort in knowing that she can decline any ride she wants because I will always stay with her and then ride milder ones with her. I need to let go of the inflamed part of our relationship from a few years ago and cling to the beautiful one still unfolding in front of me.

There are relationships that I’ve been waiting on to turn around and fill my needs too. There are boundaries that I’ve hoped others would respect without much of a word from me. There are responsibilities that were never mine to begin with that I’ve carried far too long. It’s time to embrace and appreciate what is instead of living in agony over what isn’t. Change is never easy but sometimes you are given gifts that help you know it’s time. My mama heart for having more kids was convicted otherwise after my 3rd pregnancy and all of its challenges. The perpetual pain of rejection can push you into moving on eventually. There just comes a time when you realize there’s no use in wasting anymore time on the things that aren’t serving you or other people. I’m thankful that I’m finally turning that corner.

Due to all the changes in my life, my personal writing has taken a back seat and I’ve only taken time to focus on reviews lately. As things are shifting even more, I hope to spend more time using this platform for personal writing purposes. I miss it. I need it. It’s where I really started anyway and I’m ready to go back there. Writing about what happened helps you process and learn from what happened. It’s a truth that I’ve gotten away from in the name of busy-ness but I’m learning I need to get back there to keep it all together. Here’s to change…

Whether you’ve been married 40 years or divorced 3 times or never dated once, it is really easy and common to bash on marriage these days. Some will argue that its an outdated and sexist institution. Others will complain that most men/women are worthless. Or for a lot of us, it’s just more work than we’re willing to give. I know there are stories upon stories we could all tell that might validate any one of these scenarios in our mind. Today, I just want to talk about how good marriage is. You might think, “Oh, here we go.” because I spend the next few paragraphs telling you how great Mr. Butler is and how everyone should be like him. Nah, not today. Marriage is good - not because I landed a perfect one - but because when you give it a chance, it makes you both better.

From a family photo session in 2017 when I was pregnant with the Racecar.

At 22 or 23, I was internally frantic that I wasn’t married yet. It sure would have helped to know that an ADHD brain can often speed through if/then scenarios and come to the farthest possible conclusion in a matter of seconds. It didn’t mean I was always likely to be right, it just meant my brain had too much time on it’s hands. Not being married, not being engaged, and not having a boyfriend would all combine with my multi-faceted anxiety about myself as anything positive and I naturally concluded that I was never going to be married and thus live a miserable existence. Another symptom of ADHD is exaggerated emotions, but I didn’t understand that then either. In the moments that I remember the many promises of God and I still thought it possible to find a spouse, I always imagined that he would be some diamond in the rough out of nowhere that only I discovered. What’s funny about that is that God answered that request in its entirety. Mr. Butler was so unlike anyone I had ever known, I really didn’t want to date him when the idea was first presented to me. Even now, 15 years later, I am always telling him there isn’t anyone quite like him. That can be a wonderful and sweet thing, but it’s also infuriating and exhausting.

Within the first year of our marriage, it became clear that my young husband had zero bedside manner, especially when you’re sick. Or was it just when I was sick? After a dinner at Chili’s one night, I got a severe case of food poisoning. I went to sleep sick at my stomach and woke around 2 or 3 telling him I thought I was going to throw up to which he laughed at me and said “No, you’re not. Quit being a baby.” I was vindicated when I threw up everything I had a few minutes later, but his measly apology didn’t really make me feel better about the heartlessness he had shown earlier! Fast forward 5-6 years and he laughs almost hysterically as I’m about to start pushing during labor with my daughter. Yep, there’s no one like him.

In one day early in our marriage, I dropped my laptop from a window sill (because we didn’t have internet yet, but our neighbors did) and couldn’t get it working again. Mr. Butler said the words, “Go take the dog for a walk. You can’t break anything out there.” Breaking his things makes him really cranky. So, I subsequently dropped and stepped on my phone, resulting in two pieces while on that walk. I also lost my beautiful, unique and not free engagement ring. Twice. The first time was on a campout and our entire party ended up looking and finding it. Whew! The second time, I have no idea how it made it off my finger or where it is to this day. The fact that he can still smile at me today or subsequently gave me 3 children AFTER I lost it, is a miracle all its own.

Neither one of us are a walk in the park, that’s for sure. But together, we are better. He’s not perfect still. And, I know you’re shocked, but neither am I. STILL! Maybe that’s where we’ve gotten the wrong idea. When we say “They’re perfect for each other!” many of us expect it to be a final state of completion upon marriage. In reality, marriage is a tool that can shape us, mature us and sanctify us when we allow it to. Though, if we head into it (like so many of us do) thinking this person will naturally agree with everything that makes sense to me, though we carry different DNA and grew up in different homes, it’s not a surprise that we hit irreconcilable differences in no time or grow in resentment and dysfunction. Marriage is so good, but maybe it’s hard to tell because we get in its way. Sometimes we get mad at the constant tug of war not realizing that the back and forth is shaping us into a more balanced version of ourselves.

While Mr. Butler and I share similar values in parenting, religion and approach to life (we’re both first born), we are polar opposites in many, many ways. When we got married, he was rigidly structured, financially focused, and logical for days, regardless of anyone’s feelings. If you knew me at all in college, you know that all things emotional, relational, and creative were where I wanted to live. He got up early, I wanted to sleep in. He wanted to save, I was ready to spend. He saw a deadline, I saw a relationship needing attention. We started out so different. Did I change him? Did he change me? Absolutely not. Marriage did though. This beautiful commitment that God holds together has given us something to hold on to when that other person is absolutely not worth it. We are flawed and broken and maddening. But God knew we would be and gave us marriage to help us grow.

Marriage isn’t for everyone. Marriage is hard. A lot of times, marriage is simply ridiculous. But don’t ever convince yourself that marriage isn’t good. Because it is. So so good.

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As a culture, we talk about introverted verses extroverted a lot as it pertains to the way people interact with the world. Unfortunately, many people need to update their definitions or at least agree on terms before having a conversation some times. The common definitions look like this.

Introversion: the quality of being shy and reticent.

Extroversion: the quality of being energetic and not shy and enjoying being with other people.

From these two definitions, you could easily make all kinds of assumptions and stereotypes. “An introverted person doesn’t like people.” “An extroverted person is unselfish because they are always socializing.” I’ve even heard generalizations about introverted people where “they need to just get over themselves and care about other people.“ If these are the gold standard of definitions, I guess this might be true. However, from the moment I learned the concept of introversion/extroversion, it was explained by how a person receives their emotional and physical energy. Not a choice, but a biological state. Here’s the way I learned it:

Introversion: Recharges or gets energy from time alone.

Extroversion: Recharges or gets energy from time with others.

The dictionary definitions at the top is a way to describe how someone acts on the outside, but the second set describes a physical trait that happens internally and most argue it begins at birth. All the introverts I’ve ever talked to heavily identify with getting energy from being alone or one on one interactions. Rarely is a dislike for people center stage, but how much energy it takes from their body when they are around people. Extroverted people are naturally drawn to large crowds and lots of people time because on a very physical level it feeds them energy.

Why is this distinction important? Number one, I think a lot of times we say things that aren’t true about a concept we may not really understand. Any time I (as an introvert) have trouble talking to someone, especially in a crowd, it isn’t because I’m necessarily shy or don’t like people. The difficulty I have is managing the energy that gets sucked out of me just by walking through a crowd and mustering up the right words in a perpetual state of exhaustion. I’ve heard extroverted people characterized as more selfless and giving because they are so social. The thing is, how many times have you had a great chat at a gathering with someone who then never really showed up in your life when you needed them? This isn’t a one side is better than the other debate, but a reminder that everyone is uniquely and divinely made to fill different roles in life. Some circumstances in life need a quiet, one on one, heart to heart - and some people aren’t good at that. Some circumstances need a showman and ringleader in the midst of a big crowd - and some people aren’t good at that. Why should one be honored over the other, when both skills are important and necessary in life?

Another thing to remember is introverted/extroverted is actually a spectrum that all of us fall on and it rarely is set in stone. As we enter different seasons in life, our leaning towards one or the other can shift. That’s why listening to people and their current state of being, rather than assuming or bulldozing is something we have to get better at this year. Mental health is major problem EVERYWHERE right now. Social media and the powers that be typically paint a very specific picture of the people around us that is misguided at best and absolute false most of the time. The struggles and the successes that each of us are experiencing are rarely fully seen or understood. Even those that live in our own home may struggle to fully understand us. Ask questions and listen far more than making up your mind, for better or worse, about those people that aren’t like you. When we refuse to embrace differences, nobody wins. From evangelism to strong families, we have to understand others and be understood ourselves so that we can all fulfill our roles in the body.

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I can remember as a teenager living with my parents getting so annoyed at car commercials. I don’t mean the ones where some company showcases their latest model. I’m talking about the loudmouthed guy hollering out deals and details about his new and used cars ready to move. Never, ever has one of those commercials convinced me to visit their lot. If anything the obnoxious sound motivated me to skip them if I could help it. I don’t know how other people shop for cars, but I usually know what I’m in the market for and just go where they sell those. Commercials like that are a waste of time, in my opinion.

And, folks, 25 years later the media as a whole is now in the same boat as those used car lot commercials. When they aren’t out right lying, the contradictions are endless. It is understandable that people get it wrong sometimes. You and I both know that. We are all human, after all. Still, that’s not what this is anymore. From cancel culture to conflicts of interest, there are a lot of people motivated by greed and evil. That alone means we cannot rely on our culture’s mouthpiece to tell us the truth. Whether you are looking for health advice or finance tips, the world is not going to spoon-feed you truth. Because everyone in positions of authority or expertise are evil? No. At least I hope not. No, it’s because the messages being shoved in our faces like a used car salesman screams out of the tv aren’t trustworthy on their own merit. They have been proven wrong, proven distorted and often motivated by evil intentions. We as a society have been resisting it for a while, but the time has come for us to take care of ourselves without expecting society to do it for us.

Maybe you’re thinking about a homesteading commune up in Montana right about now. The thought is tempting, but that’s not exactly where I’m headed. I’m talking about truth and how we can walk in it. From scripture to oil changes, diet to history books, we have to get our hands dirty in order to determine what is true or not. How can you know if the preacher is misapplying scripture? You have to know the Bible and be able to search it yourself. How can you tell if your financial investor is a crook? It might help if you paid attention to where your money is going. Have you noticed how many times science has changed its mind over the last 50 years like whether eggs are bad, fat is bad, milk is good? How can you know the truth? You have to dig in and not take one person’s word for it. How can we protect our children and families from predators of all kinds? We have to be paying attention.

From the moment that remote kept us from having to get up to change the channel, we started to take a dive into a very comfortable place. It is so comfortable that we stopped paying attention. The preacher will tell me what is right. The school will make sure the kids are okay. The doctor wouldn’t lead me wrong. The finance guy would never steal my money. The grocery store surely wouldn’t sell something that might make me sick. And everyone will do what they are supposed to. Except many, many times they don’t. I’m not suggesting that we live a cold life full of mistrust, anxiety and panic. I’m just trying to remind you that nobody else is going to do it for you. All are human and subject to sin. Even the best ones aren’t going to think for you and your family’s particular needs and circumstances. No one is going to force you look for the truth in all things.

I have found it hard to write lately because there is just so much stress, controversy and evil blazing around. It’s hard to know what to say. Growing up as a Christian in a very Christian nation makes for sometimes ill-prepared adults when the wind changes. As an alternative health, homeschooling, ADHD-suffering, Christian mom, I’ve felt like a black sheep my whole life. If you’re new to feeling outnumbered, here are some things to remember.

-Acceptance and approval does NOT equal doing the right thing. Doing the RIGHT thing usually means doing what is the opposite of the masses.

-The big picture is more important. Media and culture will try to convince you that it’s not that big of a deal. There are lasting effects to every choice we make. Do you know what your choice today means for the big picture tomorrow? If you haven’t thought about it, you should right now.

-Harmonize. As Christians we trust in the Bible to show us truth. That means any choice or decision should be in harmony with the whole gospel, not just that verse you picked out. Make it ALL make sense. If you can’t, then let’s reconsider.

-If you’re not sure what to do, it’s probably time to get your hands dirty learning and growing.

There has been evil since the days of Noah and nothing new under the sun. To some everything looks full of doom and gloom. Maybe it is, but that doesn’t change God’s promises. In each moment in time when God has brought victory in some way, there was a lot of doom and gloom. We might be out of practice in going against the grain in our daily culture, but we still have the tools God has provided us. They haven’t changed or grown dull, if we choose to use them. I’ve gotten several why questions lately about various evil or wrong things happening in the world and I almost don’t want to answer them. I’d rather the world go back to “normal” and we can ignore the evil as much as possible. Still, my kids are growing up in all of this so we have to address it. Why doesn’t it look like the truth is winning in some places? The best answer I’ve come up with is that God is allowing us to work a little harder for the truth. The good stuff doesn’t come easy and the world has given up on the good stuff in hopes the easy will be enough. And they are getting their reward.

Hope. For so long, we’ve allowed ourselves to hope in things other than God’s promises. We hope in our money and things. We hope in our ‘side’ being right. We hope in our country being the best. We hope in our issue being the only one that matters. We even hope in lies that we know are likely lies, because we can’t handle the reevaluating that inevitably comes from challenging our worldview.

We like certain quotes or articles on social media that claim to put hope in God and what His assurances are. We might even say amen to the preacher who reminds us that this is God’s show through and through. We know who is on the throne, don’t we? But we really don’t act like it, do we?

I’m sensitive with an overactive brain so I’m just as guilty as the next guy about getting sucked into what the mob is yelling today or who disagrees with my life choices. It’s been incredibly exhausting to keep a mental balance on all of the trauma and drama our world has been through lately. I’ve cried out for mercy so many times because it just seems too much and the threat of more to come is the nightmare of movies. Surely this isn’t real life! But then I’m reminded of the good things, the right things, the hopeful things and I hate how I can get so caught up in the strife.

Do you remember how Peter argued with Jesus about what was to come? I feel like Peter all the time arguing with the Lord about why this is happening and how it has to stop! What if God is doing exactly what needs to be done to bring about his good will? I can stand and argue about it or I can get out of His way and obey Him.

As much as we might think our biggest fear is the only thing that matters right now, everyone in the world could be facing a far different but equally as great fear. We obviously don’t have every answer in all of these situations, but we do have hope. Did you forget that? I did.

Are you worried or discouraged about your livelihood? Maybe you’ll be pushed to make the change that’s been needed for a while. There is hope. Is your health painting a grim picture? Maybe you’ll start looking in other places to get the answers you need. There is hope. Can your marriage be saved? Is a friendship about to die? Perhaps your eyes are about to be opened to some truth you’ve been denying for a while. There is hope. Most importantly, is your spiritual life in shambles and the path forward unclear? Maybe it’s taken all of this to get you to admit it and do something about it! There is hope.

There is a lot of unrest and valid concerns being expressed on the internet every. single. day. You know what isn’t being talked about very much? Hope. Legitimate hope that can help you take a breath in the morning and try again hope. I would really like to bring hope to my corner of the world wide web. I mess up a lot, but I also have some amazing people and resources in my life, thanks to the mercy of God, that give me hope. Worried about money? There’s a lot I don’t know, but what I do know brings me hope. Worried about the education of your kids? Not an expert, but from what I’ve experienced and the people I know who have done it, I have so much hope. Are you worried about your health? Again, not a doctor and not giving medical advice, but I have some amazing resources and perspectives that gives me so much hope. Not sure what God wants from you? Reading the Bible brings me so much hope.

In my ADHD discovery, I’ve learned how incredibly awkward and closed off I can be at times. It’s not intentional, but it’s a very real coping strategy that I’m finally understanding. In light of that, I’m learning its important for me to communicate clearer than I feel like I should have to. So, here goes. If you’re worried - and let’s not lie to ourselves - we’ve all been worried - and can’t let go of it, maybe you would like to share some of my hope? I want to help you, but I also don’t want to be pushy. Sometimes I want to help so much I turn into a bulldog mother who won’t take no for an answer and end up pushing people away. I don’t like being that way so I’m working on it. Still want to bring you hope though, if you need it.

Everyone I know is really starting to feel the pressure and ignoring the stress isn’t going to solve it. Let’s start spreading hope and if you need some, hit me up!

Remember that last injury you witnessed? That one where there was crying and shrieking involved for a while? As long as there was unattended pain and panic, the emotional upheaval was still present. Sometimes it takes a band-aid for everyone to calm down, but other times all it takes is an appropriate amount of crying or expression. The tornado of emotions that can happen - fear, panic, pain, anger, frustration - need a place to go, right?

This morning I had to have a little family meeting with my kids because there had been a LOT of bickering and explosions. We had spent 11+ hours in the car the last two days so everyone had a good reason to be everything they were - upset, mad, reactive, just all the things - but very little understanding for everyone else’s good reasons. In the discussion, my oldest piped up and said, “That’s why I ask to wrestle with Daddy because once I do that then I don’t feel like fighting anymore.” I love his intuitive nature and how it shows up at the perfect times. Emotional energy is a big deal. It’s an even bigger deal when you don’t put it in the right place.

This is almost the crux of my whole life! The need to express or verbalize has always been huge in my soul. I always feel a great need to talk more rather than less. Writing, creating, exploring - there always seems to be more within me. When I don’t have or utilize the proper outlets, I physically and emotionally react so negatively. We know this is human reality when we send the kids outside to play because they are driving us nuts inside. They need to go use up that energy. It is simple and complicated at the same time. The emotional and physical aspects are intertwined and deeply affect each other. When we don’t sleep enough, our emotional state goes south fast. As disappointment or deep stress comes into our life, physical symptoms can show up.

As my son wisely pointed out, we can handle life better when we properly manage our emotional energy. It’s simple and profound all in the same breath. What are some ways you use up emotional energy? Here are a few I’ve seen work well.

Physical Activity - Exercise, sports, gardening, manual labor

Creative Activity - Anything that involves creation - drawing, painting, building, making music

Verbalizing - Writing, talking, teaching others

Projects - Many projects combine these elements for an even more satisfying benefit.

These all seem so basic, but when they are NOT strategically found in our lives, everyone suffers. Even though soccer and baseball season can be busy and tiring, my kids physically and thus emotionally do much better during this time. It’s been about a month since practices ended and the bickering and, well, emotional energy has just been worse. Regulation of ourselves is harder when there is too much to regulate. Filling our lives with different avenues to express energy makes regulation easier.

Now, understanding these ideas and putting them into practice appropriately are entirely two different things. Still understanding is half the battle, so they say.

Before understanding ADHD in my life, I had enormous expectations for myself, crafted from every minute of television I've ever seen, every picture perfect person I've encountered and the above average culture that is celebrated on social media.  Those unreasonable, really high and often subconscious expectations were continually eating away at my self-confidence.  From a very young age, I felt different, self-conscious and desperate to be accepted.  Over the years I have attributed that to all sorts of things in pitiful attempts to stabilize it. Female. Anxious. Introverted. Highly Sensitive. Each lens explained some of it, but never really changed the core of me.  Since discovering what ADHD often looks like in women (it’s quite a bit different than men), this past year has been full of discovering new layers of my life affected by this brain of mine that I’ve completely misunderstood my entire life. The way I have trouble making decisions, especially under pressure. The way I lose things really easily. The way I despise structure, but fall apart without it. The way I shoot for the moon, dreaming of perfection and collapse in despair when it doesn’t work quite right. The way groups overwhelm me. The way I have trouble finishing things. The way I say things without thinking and regret it immediately. It’s true that I’m no different than I was, because I’ve always been this way. But looking through this large lens has given me the gift of understanding.

 My brain is a race car engine with bicycle brakes, able to speed through lightning fast, but just as likely to spin out as make it one lap.  As I have learned about how my brain actually works - not just what the world would have me assume about my brain - I'm uncovering a really beautiful side effect.  I'm recognizing overstimulation (imagine an engine overheating) in my daily life and adjusting my known limits in what I can tolerate and do (to avoid spinout).  As I'm adjusting limits, I'm finding myself more able to complete tasks (before getting sidelined by a world of other things).  Understanding that it's never been about me not being able, it was always the how, the when and the how much that needed to be recalibrated - that understanding is giving me confidence.  Not exaggerated, prideful confidence.  Not fake, let's put on a show to make myself feel better confidence.  Just a more peaceful assurance in who I am and how God designed me. 

It’s a beautiful thing, but every day I will wake up and still have this brain. I’ll still be prone to forget to message you back or have trouble deciding what’s the most important thing to do next. I’m loving the peace that comes from understanding why, but at the same time I’m not somehow off the hook for fulfilling the responsibilities of my life. I’ve heard people dismiss labels like ADHD before out of fear it was an excuse to not do things. I can tell you that living with this label has honestly done the opposite for me. Instead of giving up all the time under the misconception that I just wasn’t working hard enough or I just did everything wrong, I’m simply able to recognize the source of the stumbling block and move it or have more patience with it, which has allowed me to complete more tasks rather than less.

I know accepting something about yourself or someone you love can be scary and overwhelming. I’m literally the poster-child for the easily overwhelmed. Still, I am so thankful that it finally sunk in for me! If you suspect someone you love might identify with some of the things I’ve shared, I’m happy to chat about it! Evaluating yourself with the wrong gauge is exhausting so you might be doing them a favor. :)