I don’t know what the age limit is for ‘small kids’, but I feel like maybe I’ve almost graduated with my youngest being 4 years old! This past week my family spent time vacationing in Tennessee and it was so relaxing that I was reminded of how hard it was when we first started. Vacationing with small kids is no picnic and we learned that the hard way. Here are a few things we learned that have helped us all feel good on the trips we take.

1. Do NOT expect a vacation. It’s NOT a vacation. Call it a trip. A vacation - when you have small children in tow - is absolutely NOT a vacation. A change of scenery, sure. A chance to explore, maybe. A vacation - a break from your regular life? Not at all. The kids will still make demands on your life that is largely out of control. Eating, sleeping and bathroom schedules will still reign supreme. Adjust your expectations accordingly.

2. Do NOT make a rigid schedule. Kids are bound to slow you down and change your schedule at the most inopportune time. When you plan a trip with small children - okay anything with small children - and you try to confine yourself to a tight schedule that, if adjusted, makes you lose your mind, you are asking for stress and then more stress. Loose plans, lots of ideas, or even just deciding what your must does are, all good. But if you can’t let people rest when they need to rest or switch gears when something doesn’t pan out, it’s likely that no one will have a very good time.

3. Do NOT forget your family’s needs. Don’t expect whatever you or your family need in a normal week at home to suddenly not exist on a trip. Like a diabetic on insulin isn’t going to magically do fine without simply because they’re on a trip, your family’s needs aren’t going to drastically change either. For us, that means things like cooking more than we eat out, including lots of physical activity in nature, and, my favorite, alone time for mom! Building in accommodations for those needs is something you won’t regret.

4. Do NOT feel compelled to spend loads of money. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is EASY to spend money on trips. Eating by itself can take up a large part of the budget. Still, recognize that your family can make memories anywhere! Most places we stay have a pool close by and is a favorite every single time. We also find the closest library and can usually get a temporary card. Hiking is almost always FREE and an adventure they will remember.

5. Do NOT stay in hotels. Of course, this isn’t always possible, but I highly recommend making sure kids have their own bedroom when you can. In a typical hotel, everyone is stuck in the same room with no place for a break from each other. 2-3 bedroom condos are our favorite because everyone has their space and we can cook whenever we want. Through Mr. Butler’s work we’re part of a vacation club and when we wait for a good sale, we can end up only paying $50 a night! It’s definitely something to look into.

It can be difficult for young parents to shift their mindset from ‘what do I want to do on this trip?’ to “how can my family best enjoy their time together?” Speaking from experience, it takes a few trips to really find a groove that works for everyone, but you won’t regret it! My oldest is 10 and still gets excited about going back to Fairfield Bay, AR, one of our first condo trips together. Is it because of some grand roller coaster or expensive excursion? Nope. We go hiking, swimming at the pool and check books out at the local library. To him and his sister, it is magical!

Remember that last injury you witnessed? That one where there was crying and shrieking involved for a while? As long as there was unattended pain and panic, the emotional upheaval was still present. Sometimes it takes a band-aid for everyone to calm down, but other times all it takes is an appropriate amount of crying or expression. The tornado of emotions that can happen - fear, panic, pain, anger, frustration - need a place to go, right?

This morning I had to have a little family meeting with my kids because there had been a LOT of bickering and explosions. We had spent 11+ hours in the car the last two days so everyone had a good reason to be everything they were - upset, mad, reactive, just all the things - but very little understanding for everyone else’s good reasons. In the discussion, my oldest piped up and said, “That’s why I ask to wrestle with Daddy because once I do that then I don’t feel like fighting anymore.” I love his intuitive nature and how it shows up at the perfect times. Emotional energy is a big deal. It’s an even bigger deal when you don’t put it in the right place.

This is almost the crux of my whole life! The need to express or verbalize has always been huge in my soul. I always feel a great need to talk more rather than less. Writing, creating, exploring - there always seems to be more within me. When I don’t have or utilize the proper outlets, I physically and emotionally react so negatively. We know this is human reality when we send the kids outside to play because they are driving us nuts inside. They need to go use up that energy. It is simple and complicated at the same time. The emotional and physical aspects are intertwined and deeply affect each other. When we don’t sleep enough, our emotional state goes south fast. As disappointment or deep stress comes into our life, physical symptoms can show up.

As my son wisely pointed out, we can handle life better when we properly manage our emotional energy. It’s simple and profound all in the same breath. What are some ways you use up emotional energy? Here are a few I’ve seen work well.

Physical Activity - Exercise, sports, gardening, manual labor

Creative Activity - Anything that involves creation - drawing, painting, building, making music

Verbalizing - Writing, talking, teaching others

Projects - Many projects combine these elements for an even more satisfying benefit.

These all seem so basic, but when they are NOT strategically found in our lives, everyone suffers. Even though soccer and baseball season can be busy and tiring, my kids physically and thus emotionally do much better during this time. It’s been about a month since practices ended and the bickering and, well, emotional energy has just been worse. Regulation of ourselves is harder when there is too much to regulate. Filling our lives with different avenues to express energy makes regulation easier.

Now, understanding these ideas and putting them into practice appropriately are entirely two different things. Still understanding is half the battle, so they say.