Remember that last injury you witnessed? That one where there was crying and shrieking involved for a while? As long as there was unattended pain and panic, the emotional upheaval was still present. Sometimes it takes a band-aid for everyone to calm down, but other times all it takes is an appropriate amount of crying or expression. The tornado of emotions that can happen - fear, panic, pain, anger, frustration - need a place to go, right?

This morning I had to have a little family meeting with my kids because there had been a LOT of bickering and explosions. We had spent 11+ hours in the car the last two days so everyone had a good reason to be everything they were - upset, mad, reactive, just all the things - but very little understanding for everyone else’s good reasons. In the discussion, my oldest piped up and said, “That’s why I ask to wrestle with Daddy because once I do that then I don’t feel like fighting anymore.” I love his intuitive nature and how it shows up at the perfect times. Emotional energy is a big deal. It’s an even bigger deal when you don’t put it in the right place.

This is almost the crux of my whole life! The need to express or verbalize has always been huge in my soul. I always feel a great need to talk more rather than less. Writing, creating, exploring - there always seems to be more within me. When I don’t have or utilize the proper outlets, I physically and emotionally react so negatively. We know this is human reality when we send the kids outside to play because they are driving us nuts inside. They need to go use up that energy. It is simple and complicated at the same time. The emotional and physical aspects are intertwined and deeply affect each other. When we don’t sleep enough, our emotional state goes south fast. As disappointment or deep stress comes into our life, physical symptoms can show up.

As my son wisely pointed out, we can handle life better when we properly manage our emotional energy. It’s simple and profound all in the same breath. What are some ways you use up emotional energy? Here are a few I’ve seen work well.

Physical Activity - Exercise, sports, gardening, manual labor

Creative Activity - Anything that involves creation - drawing, painting, building, making music

Verbalizing - Writing, talking, teaching others

Projects - Many projects combine these elements for an even more satisfying benefit.

These all seem so basic, but when they are NOT strategically found in our lives, everyone suffers. Even though soccer and baseball season can be busy and tiring, my kids physically and thus emotionally do much better during this time. It’s been about a month since practices ended and the bickering and, well, emotional energy has just been worse. Regulation of ourselves is harder when there is too much to regulate. Filling our lives with different avenues to express energy makes regulation easier.

Now, understanding these ideas and putting them into practice appropriately are entirely two different things. Still understanding is half the battle, so they say.

Before understanding ADHD in my life, I had enormous expectations for myself, crafted from every minute of television I've ever seen, every picture perfect person I've encountered and the above average culture that is celebrated on social media.  Those unreasonable, really high and often subconscious expectations were continually eating away at my self-confidence.  From a very young age, I felt different, self-conscious and desperate to be accepted.  Over the years I have attributed that to all sorts of things in pitiful attempts to stabilize it. Female. Anxious. Introverted. Highly Sensitive. Each lens explained some of it, but never really changed the core of me.  Since discovering what ADHD often looks like in women (it’s quite a bit different than men), this past year has been full of discovering new layers of my life affected by this brain of mine that I’ve completely misunderstood my entire life. The way I have trouble making decisions, especially under pressure. The way I lose things really easily. The way I despise structure, but fall apart without it. The way I shoot for the moon, dreaming of perfection and collapse in despair when it doesn’t work quite right. The way groups overwhelm me. The way I have trouble finishing things. The way I say things without thinking and regret it immediately. It’s true that I’m no different than I was, because I’ve always been this way. But looking through this large lens has given me the gift of understanding.

 My brain is a race car engine with bicycle brakes, able to speed through lightning fast, but just as likely to spin out as make it one lap.  As I have learned about how my brain actually works - not just what the world would have me assume about my brain - I'm uncovering a really beautiful side effect.  I'm recognizing overstimulation (imagine an engine overheating) in my daily life and adjusting my known limits in what I can tolerate and do (to avoid spinout).  As I'm adjusting limits, I'm finding myself more able to complete tasks (before getting sidelined by a world of other things).  Understanding that it's never been about me not being able, it was always the how, the when and the how much that needed to be recalibrated - that understanding is giving me confidence.  Not exaggerated, prideful confidence.  Not fake, let's put on a show to make myself feel better confidence.  Just a more peaceful assurance in who I am and how God designed me. 

It’s a beautiful thing, but every day I will wake up and still have this brain. I’ll still be prone to forget to message you back or have trouble deciding what’s the most important thing to do next. I’m loving the peace that comes from understanding why, but at the same time I’m not somehow off the hook for fulfilling the responsibilities of my life. I’ve heard people dismiss labels like ADHD before out of fear it was an excuse to not do things. I can tell you that living with this label has honestly done the opposite for me. Instead of giving up all the time under the misconception that I just wasn’t working hard enough or I just did everything wrong, I’m simply able to recognize the source of the stumbling block and move it or have more patience with it, which has allowed me to complete more tasks rather than less.

I know accepting something about yourself or someone you love can be scary and overwhelming. I’m literally the poster-child for the easily overwhelmed. Still, I am so thankful that it finally sunk in for me! If you suspect someone you love might identify with some of the things I’ve shared, I’m happy to chat about it! Evaluating yourself with the wrong gauge is exhausting so you might be doing them a favor. :)