I wanted to cry. Miss Z's soccer team had just made a goal - their first goal of the entire season. Before you go calling me a silly soccer mom, know that this was the next to last game of the season. They hadn't scored a single goal all season long. That unbelievable moment - a moment that we as parents and spectators had begun to think wouldn't happen this season - was full of delirious screams and wild jumping around. We still lost the game, but went on to score two more times after that and were just as excited every time. These girls had worked hard, but had a few things working against them all season. They were a new team, for one. They only had 2 subs while most teams had 4 or 5. And since they were low on sign-ups, they were a combination of age levels playing up in half the team's case and physically smaller than most of their opponents. All things that weren't anyone's fault really and we had certainly seen growth in just a few short weeks but none of that helps much when you're feeling discouraged at the losses. So, when a shot finally went in today, you better believe we rejoiced!

Losing, whether it be in sports or any part of life, is just that way. When you experience poverty, you have a greater appreciation for abundance. When you lose loved ones early in life, you have a great capacity to appreciate those around you now. Losing means struggling. Struggling gives you the chance to learn things and to grow in ways not possible otherwise. In sports it is natural and tempting to want your child to be on a winning team. When your team isn't winning you might talk bad about the other team or give the refs a hard time or even switch teams just to avoid losing. We all can slip into a sore loser mentality and make a 7 year old's soccer game about our personal validation. But, let me remind you that not only does it make you look foolish, but also your child misses the chance to learn skills to help her thrive in life for years to come.

Did you read that right? Losing a soccer game or not getting the lead or even getting dealt the worst hand in life, is usually one of the biggest catalysts in personal development and growth. Life is full of losses and the most successful people are the ones who struggle enough to actually learn how to do it better next time. Not to mention that the gratitude for the wins is so much bigger and sweeter when you have really lost and then found success with much effort. As parents we are wired to not want our kids to hurt, but sometimes we forget the purpose in some of that pain.

As much as I want to see that beautiful daughter of mine score a dozen goals, if only to see her excitement, it is more important to see her face any looming mountain in her life with endurance, ingenuity and an attitude to try again when she loses. I love it when my kids win, as we all should I think, but today reminded me how valuable losing truly is to being a success in life.

In our family, we can struggle to focus in a variety of ways. Focus Attention is one of the ways we manage symptoms of ADHD in adults AND kids!

Offending people is getting harder and harder to avoid these days.  Have you noticed?  Everyone is mad about anything and EVERYTHING! The other day I ran across a homeschool meme that listed several things that are likely to discourage a homeschool parent.  It mainly focused on complaints about having children at home or how hard life is when kids aren't in school. Being a homeschool parent myself, many of them resonated with me and caused me to chuckle.  In the caption, the author asked, "What would you add?" As I read the comments, I royally got more than I was expecting.  I seriously thought we were just having a good time, trying to lighten the mood, but the comments sucked the wind out of me.  Just about every complaint was pointing out something they hated seeing on social media.  And, yes I agree there are some annoying and offensive things people post, but ya'll, I just unfollow those accounts!  One woman hated seeing posts about kids and sports because she couldn't afford them herself.  Another commented about pictures with grandparents because her children didn't have living grandparents.  There were complaints about pregnancy posts, promotion posts, negative posts, sibling posts, spouse posts and they just went on and on.  The discussions got more pointed with expectations suggesting that everyone in their chosen category needed to stop posting about that thing because of how it hurt the commenter.

And in that moment I realized how ridiculous we all sound.  Our society has truly bought into the idea that life is fair and social media just hasn't gotten the memo yet.  I agree that there are always more polite and respectful ways of doing things, but if I were to base my posting  on these people's suggested criteria, I literally couldn’t.  I could not post pictures of my children (the most common thing people do on social media) because many suffer from loss or infertility.  I could not post about any hardship, because someone has it worse (and they aren't complaining).  I could not post about my husband because it's anti-single or full of made-up lies.  Don't talk about money, religion or politics because 2020!  Don't post pictures of your purchases because some can't afford it.  Don't even mention a garden because it's making those without the space or the want-to feel bad.  Spoiler alert!  Under those conditions, everyone has the 'right' to be offended about something because we are all lacking in some way.  It's just as surreal as it is ridiculous.

To be fair, I have certainly found myself in a tizzy over other people's posts.  I absolutely do NOT agree with a lot of things that get touted around.  This last year has been worse than ever.  The temptation to let others know how wrong I think they are is huge some days. So, I am not in denial about disagreeing with what other people choose to say or post.  But that is really my point.  It is impossible to create a healthy environment in which I agree with everything other people say.  Impossible. I'm not able to champion all the causes you think I ought to without offending everyone else.  So everyone just needs to stop perpetuating this lie that YOU have to stop being you in order to make ME feel better because it isn't sustainable and certainly not healthy.

Since it is a foregone conclusion that my entire existence and life choices are offensive to somebody somewhere (according to social media consensus), what should I do? What CAN you do?  Some choose to remove social media from their life, which isn't the worst option depending on the day.  Others go on the offense with a blast of lunging aggression at anyone who might not adore everything they say or post.  Maybe you have a good suggestion that's a little more balanced than those two.  I sure would be happy to hear it.  The best course of action I have come up with is to focus on my people and pray that you do the same for yours.

No one else is in the greatest position as I am to love and support my children and husband. Whoever your people are, you are in a unique position to love and serve them. Since I try really hard to not be hateful, spiteful or insensitive already (especially online), at the end of the day I owe my kids and my husband love far more than I owe Jack or Jane in Anywhere, USA silence about my joys and tears because they are struggling too. The victories of making our marriage work (when it can be incredibly hard) or navigating an ADHD discovery that affects all of my children is real to my life.  Just as real as the thousands of dollars in school loans I walked out of college with or the severe allergic reaction to Ben & Jerry's ice cream that resulted in a pus-filled rash all over my body the spring before we got married.  In this age of bait and switch marketing, I feel like we owe each other real life more than carpeting the world for everyone's  short stick situation.

Real life really stinks sometimes. For everyone. But real life isn’t all bad either. For every rotten thing that happens to you in your life, there’s half a dozen more great opportunities. Let’s work harder at caring for our people and give less space for getting our feelings hurt.