Putting 2023 To Bed

As much as I might enjoy my kids on a really good day, I will still be thankful when bedtime comes. No matter how valuable and good something might be, breaks are still necessary. This year has given me a lot of things, but, boy, am I happy to put 2023 to bed.

Even though bedtime is about sleep, there are still a few things you have to do to get ready for it.

What Went Wrong

I have to admit some of the things I did wrong this year before I can march into the next with any hope of success. This year I really resisted change, even when I knew it was necessary and right. Just because something hurts doesn’t mean it should be avoided. It could actually be communicating what needs your attention the most. I also made a lot of assumptions this year. Turns out assumptions are wrong. A LOT. Especially mine. I spent more time assuming what other people were thinking or going to do than I did making sure my stuff was in order. When I was focusing on other people’s business, not only was I neglecting my own, but I also put a lot of stress on the people in my household. I think I regret that the most.

What I Learned

Reflecting on what you have learned is invaluable for moving on. Before 2023 there were some things I genuinely didn’t know or understand. One of the biggest ones is that no one is going to do the work for you or come in and save you from yourself. This year I discovered that I was carrying around a very immature thought that I had very little control over how or when my emotional needs were ever going to be met. It is like going to the store for ingredients for dinner. Upon arrival, if you find out they don’t have what you need, it would be foolish to just wait there expecting more to show up. No, you go to another store who does have it. 2023 has taught me how to let go of circumstances that do not feed my soul and seek out those that do. I’ve learned what codependency is, how it has shaped a lifetime of choices, how to start recovering and ultimately look for the person God intended me to be. My parenting skills have been challenged by all of this too, which ultimately has brought me more awareness and hopefully a greater capacity to teach my kids things I am only just now learning. That is a huge blessing.

What I’m Proud Of

For years, I have been a very emotional and reactionary person. I would try and intend not to, but I always seemed to be taken by surprise when the surge of feelings showed up. This year, I was still far more than I was explosive. There were still reactions and such, it just trended down over the year. I can’t begin to explain how proud I am of that. It might be a chicken and egg situation, but this year a few of my chronic ADHD symptoms have begun to improve. Especially the last couple of months, my executive functioning capacity has increased. That means that my ability to make decisions and determine priorities has been easier or lasted longer than before. This is probably one of those invisible hardships that people without ADHD don’t see or fully understand. It might seem silly to say out loud, but increasing my endurance where executive functioning is concerned is probably one of my biggest accomplishments of my year.

There was a lot of 2023 that I just didn’t like. It was lonely, unexpected and painful a lot of days. But you know what? Today, the last day of the year, I can say with the most sincere heart that I am so grateful for 2023. It has answered so many prayers in this single year. The peace and calm that it has brought is worth all the pain. So, my heart is full as we put 2023 to bed. I have no idea what kind of year we’ll wake up to tomorrow, but I’m more prepared for it than ever before.