Making a Difference
One of the worst feelings is to look around and realize what a mess you've made of things. Seeing the ways you allowed or caused the problem at hand and not seeing a clear way to fix it, that is just the worst. Today I watched a video encouraging those with ADHD about the boring daily tasks (we HATE those) and how they actually lead to big picture changes (our favorite). It's been over a year since I sat in puddles of tears over many things, in particular over how I was moving through the world in unhealthy ways, and teaching my children to do the same. Balancing What's Mine and Yours was a tall order. In the time since then, we have dealt with a lot - lots of changes, lots of emotions, lots of healing, lots of growth. When something in the body isn't as it should be, all kinds of problems pop up all over the place. The emotional state of our family was complicated and thus just getting through the day without a huge meltdown was impossible some days.
Fast forward to today, a Saturday with nowhere we had to be. A few really significant things happened.
-Last night, I communicated an expectation about when and how any screen time would happen today.
This is significant because it is ultimately my responsibility how the day goes, especially if I have strong opinions (which I usually do).
-When any child complained about the details of said expectation, I consistently held the same position I communicated last night without any reactions or overreactions.
This has been a struggle for me because my codependent leanings would require everyone to be happy in order for me to be okay. That's no way to be a successful parent.
-While there were some strong emotions and a few unacceptable behaviors, I didn't change the expectations and everyone eventually complied with grace. The behaviors were corrected on their own pretty quickly.
When people get worked up and start acting out, that's often been where I shut down and just want it to go away. Being able to hold the course in the face of harsh actions is a big deal for me.
-All 3 of my children practiced volleyball skills together in the living room happily for about 20 minutes.
That is sum of the fruit of the last year. It doesn't mean they never fight or will never again. It doesn't mean all emotions are perfectly regulated. It doesn't even mean our work is done. It just means that the choices, the commitment and the changes we've made over the last year are making a difference.
In any big mountain you have to climb, each little step makes a difference, but it doesn’t always feel like it does. It can easily feel like this was a bad idea, that the hard stuff will never end, and that success will never be yours. That’s what the hard climbs feel like. But the occasional glance backward at how far you’ve come can be just the boost you need to keep at it. Seeing my kids play together, learning from each other without criticizing or squabbling, taking turns and generally just being okay together was a beautiful thing. It was just the glimmer of hope that I needed to combat the hopeless feelings of hard places. Instead of giving up, the hope is just enough to trudge through the boring day to day in search of big picture changes!