As a culture, we talk about introverted verses extroverted a lot as it pertains to the way people interact with the world. Unfortunately, many people need to update their definitions or at least agree on terms before having a conversation some times. The common definitions look like this.

Introversion: the quality of being shy and reticent.

Extroversion: the quality of being energetic and not shy and enjoying being with other people.

From these two definitions, you could easily make all kinds of assumptions and stereotypes. “An introverted person doesn’t like people.” “An extroverted person is unselfish because they are always socializing.” I’ve even heard generalizations about introverted people where “they need to just get over themselves and care about other people.“ If these are the gold standard of definitions, I guess this might be true. However, from the moment I learned the concept of introversion/extroversion, it was explained by how a person receives their emotional and physical energy. Not a choice, but a biological state. Here’s the way I learned it:

Introversion: Recharges or gets energy from time alone.

Extroversion: Recharges or gets energy from time with others.

The dictionary definitions at the top is a way to describe how someone acts on the outside, but the second set describes a physical trait that happens internally and most argue it begins at birth. All the introverts I’ve ever talked to heavily identify with getting energy from being alone or one on one interactions. Rarely is a dislike for people center stage, but how much energy it takes from their body when they are around people. Extroverted people are naturally drawn to large crowds and lots of people time because on a very physical level it feeds them energy.

Why is this distinction important? Number one, I think a lot of times we say things that aren’t true about a concept we may not really understand. Any time I (as an introvert) have trouble talking to someone, especially in a crowd, it isn’t because I’m necessarily shy or don’t like people. The difficulty I have is managing the energy that gets sucked out of me just by walking through a crowd and mustering up the right words in a perpetual state of exhaustion. I’ve heard extroverted people characterized as more selfless and giving because they are so social. The thing is, how many times have you had a great chat at a gathering with someone who then never really showed up in your life when you needed them? This isn’t a one side is better than the other debate, but a reminder that everyone is uniquely and divinely made to fill different roles in life. Some circumstances in life need a quiet, one on one, heart to heart - and some people aren’t good at that. Some circumstances need a showman and ringleader in the midst of a big crowd - and some people aren’t good at that. Why should one be honored over the other, when both skills are important and necessary in life?

Another thing to remember is introverted/extroverted is actually a spectrum that all of us fall on and it rarely is set in stone. As we enter different seasons in life, our leaning towards one or the other can shift. That’s why listening to people and their current state of being, rather than assuming or bulldozing is something we have to get better at this year. Mental health is major problem EVERYWHERE right now. Social media and the powers that be typically paint a very specific picture of the people around us that is misguided at best and absolute false most of the time. The struggles and the successes that each of us are experiencing are rarely fully seen or understood. Even those that live in our own home may struggle to fully understand us. Ask questions and listen far more than making up your mind, for better or worse, about those people that aren’t like you. When we refuse to embrace differences, nobody wins. From evangelism to strong families, we have to understand others and be understood ourselves so that we can all fulfill our roles in the body.